Making a bad cheesecake

Various events have lead to me eating out/planning to eat out for 4 out of 5 workdays this week.  So tomorrow will have the only frozen meal food review from me.  If it makes you feel any better, greasy pizza and Moe’s spicy salsa/sauce are wreaking havoc on my poor little probiotic belly.

In the meantime, here is a picture of a cheesecake fail:

Clearly it is half-eaten, and wasn’t a complete failure, but it is pretty grotesque, isn’t it? Here is a breakdown of how you make a mangy-looking cheesecake:

First, you stuff your Ninja food processor/blender with graham crackers.

You grind them all up, and then you add a stick of melted butter, and a few spoonfuls of sugar.  You can’t be bothered to search for your tablespoon.  Where does that thing get to though, you know?  All the awkward 1/8 teaspoons and whatever else are coming out of the woodwork, but where is a tablespoon when you need it?  Anyway you mix it all up and then press it into your pan:

Now, most people will tell you to use a springform pan.  These people want their cheesecake to look good, and to actually look like a cheesecake.  I have this supercute heart-shaped earthenware dish though, and I’d never used it before, so I was pretty stubborn about using it to make a cheesecake.  Toss your crust in the oven, and get to work on the actual cheesecake.

Dump two half-used but softened 16oz containers of cream cheese into your food processor, with a 7oz container of Fage yogurt, a few spoonfuls of flour, and 2 or 3 cups of sugar into the pitcher of your Ninja food processor/blender.  Let it whirl around for awhile, and then put it in a bowl to really incorporate everything yourself.  Pull out your crust.

At this point remember to add in a cup of sour cream.  Also put in a spoonful of vanilla and some lemon zest.  Whisk it all up real good.  Now ignore the fact that your earthenware dish is still super hot, dump your batter into it, and bake it at 325 for an hour.  This is just enough time for it to turn into a souffle.  It is gonna get all puffy and brown and it will look like it is spilling over.  It is not supposed to look like that.  It might brown around the edges, but it should be white and almost liquidy when you pull it out of the oven. 

Take it to your friends’  house, put it in the refrigerator, and it should still be warm when you eat it an hour later.  (If you make a good cheesecake, you should let it sit in the fridge overnight).

And that is how you make a nasty-looking, but still tasty, custard-like cheesecake.

Tags: cheesecake, fail

This entry was posted on Wednesday, January 27th, 2010 at 6:22 AM and is filed under Food porn, Recipes. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.